Pants Rant

Just a few days ago, I discovered that I can fit my Moto G phone into the front pocket of a pair of jeans I acquired secondhand. Barely fit.

This is the only pair of pants I own that fit the phone in the front pocket. Normally I carry it in my back pocket. Because these pants are quite a bit older, their pocket standards are somewhat different.

This got me thinking about pocket sizes of women’s jeans. It’s widely known that girl pants have pockets barely deep enough for quarters, let alone the phablet brick mobile devices that so many people use. I can’t even fit a credit card in my pockets. My guy friends sometimes made fun of my pockets and casually showed off their pockets by shoving in their arms up to the elbow.

There’s no question here: pocket inequality is a real thing.

Why?

I’ve realized it’s a marketing technique. With no pocket room for important things cash, cards, phones, and keys, women are forced to invest in a purse. Although many females see this as a pleasant and stylish accessory, it can get in the way. It’s one more thing to carry, one more thing to spend money on.

Plus, it makes hanging out with guy friends a little more awkward. They give you this look that says, “You’re bringing that?” Yes, I’m bringing that. I have no choice.

As I thought about all the inconveniences a purse causes, I had one final revelation. What’s one of the most common forms of petty thievery?

Purse-snatching.

Everything – keys to your house/car/all of the above, driver’s license, credit/debit cards, cash, checkbook, phone with all your personal accounts and information, and, in rare cases, social security card –  is in that purse, which dangles from your shoulder like a ripe identity fruit in the faces of muggers searching for an opportunity.

BY GIVING WOMEN WEENIE POCKETS, THEY ARE SETTING US UP FOR ROBBERY.

Stop the injustice. Deep pockets for all.

Thank you for listening.

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2 thoughts on “Pants Rant

  1. I agree! Pockets from the jeans of my youth were much better. I could have used those deeper pockets on my recent visit to Disney World.

  2. OH MY CRAP. I have been lamenting the injustice of girl pockets literally for years. I have a pair of jeans with pockets that cannot even hold my thumb. It is the DEATH! I have been telling people since I was eighteen that when I’m cool enough to write my autobiography, it’s going to be called “Boy Pockets,” because boys get all the awesome things in life.

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